Have the Difficult Conversations

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Something I love about the people in my life is that we have the difficult conversations.

When someone hurts you, but you never say anything, you might assume they just didn’t care about your feelings. In reality, they may not have even known. Now, when you finally speak up, they have a choice: to acknowledge they were inconsiderate or unaware of their words or actions. I’ve been both a perpetrator and a victim of this, and I’ve learned it’s always worth having the conversation so the relationship can move forward genuinely. Over time, these conversations have helped me become more mindful of my words and actions.

One reason people hold back is because they dislike confrontation. It can feel overwhelming, but learning how to speak in a way that you can be heard is easier when emotions haven’t been left to fester. That’s why timeliness matters. When something needs to be addressed, it’s better to respond in an appropriate amount of time. Notice the word respond. Responding is different from reacting. It’s easier to respond thoughtfully when you address the issue before resentment builds. On the other hand, reacting too quickly—without taking a moment to reflect—can cloud your perspective and cause you to miss important details, including how you may have misunderstood the situation yourself.

The difficult conversation is like a hill you need to climb to reach the other side—the downhill slope or the plateau where the relationship feels natural and easy again. Without it, silent fractures in the relationship begin to grow, slowly or quickly deteriorating the connection. Difficult conversations manifest understanding and establish boundaries, creating a space where everyone feels safe and comfortable. Boundaries are essential. They separate us, but they also connect us—just as our skin separates us from the outer world while allowing us to touch one another.

I’ve had difficult conversations in my life, and I’ve been thankful for every one of them—whether I was the one initiating the talk or the one being confronted. These conversations are the foundation of the long-lasting relationships that make me feel both safe and deeply connected.

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Build Yourself

Build yourself to be so strong, that you can...

Be okay during the rain, the pain, the dark times

But also so ...

That you can live a life that you love 

and... 

Share it with the people that deserve you

Build yourself to be so strong ... 

That you can be kind without sacrificing your boundaries

Walk away from the wrong people without the fear of being alone

That you listen to your inner voice

That you use your voice

Build yourself by ...

Strengthening your body- this will teach you discipline and routine

Spending time alone so that you become comfortable with yourself

Immersing yourself in nature- this will show you peace and bring clarity to your inner voice

Constantly working and achieving something -this will build your self-confidence

Going somewhere new often so you can expand your mind through experience

Build your self by ... 

Surrounding yourself with people who support you 

The people you spend time with will impact every aspect of your life

They will either hold you back or lift you up when you are trying to grow

Not everyone wants to see you shine 

It's important to know that the more you shine- the more shadows you will cast.

The partner you choose in this life will be your biggest investment 

Choose someone who wants to grow in the directions that you do

Be willing to change paths- at any stage or any age

Invest...

Invest in yourself- Your mind, body, spirit, your space

Invest in others

Invest your money

You will always reap more than you sow

Build Yourself

Build Yourself so that you can live a life you truly love. 

Gone Anal & I Like It (Schedules and Routines)

Yep, I thought the title may catch you off guard but it's true. I've gone anal and I like it. 

Schedules and Routines 

    

    I was never a fan of schedules and routines but after the pandemic I really gained appreciation for them. We were all thrown off track and I suddenly realized how much they hold us together. Working from home I realized that they're essential for both physical and mental health. I have also come to the realization that whatever it is that you want to accomplish, it must be intentionally incorporated into your daily routine and consistently followed. This is especially true to establish new habits such as incorporating fitness into your lifestyle or engaging in creative endeavors outside of work and family. 

    We all have things that we want to do like read books, draw, write poetry, or learn a new language but without creating a routine time for our wants, it's not likely going to happen. I always enjoy having a book to read but once the day gets started, it's really difficult to find the time to sit down and enjoy a book when there are so many other things that need to be done. So, I incorporated reading into my everyday routine. I wake up early enough to make myself a cup of coffee and read or meditate at least 15 minutes every morning in the winter and in the summer I also take the time to walk my dogs. I incorporate these things into my everyday life so that they have a special time and space in my day to get done. I now have the satisfaction of reading a book and getting some exercise or some quiet time, meditating. 

    Schedules and routines can help you accomplish your goals but they can also help ensure that you have time set to recharge and do those things that make your life whole. As a society, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be productive and successful but productivity and success don't always lead to happiness. Happiness is manifested from experiencing something that brings you joy like a long walk on a beautiful day or spending hours with a friend. I know many people who don't know how to relax but maybe scheduling that relaxing time will make you relax on a regular basis. 

    Schedules and routines help us stay in the moment and compartmentalize. Compartmentalizing is something I learned is very important to me during the pandemic, when I had to work from home. At first, I thought it would be amazing to work from home until I realized that working from home meant that I could not retreat to my home, which is my sanctuary. I found myself doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen in between meetings. So, there is a right way and wrong way to work from home! Find a good space that is just for work and keep home and work separated- compartmentalize!

    Schedules and routines can also help us through those hard times such as deaths in the family or divorces. When major things in your life change- a schedule or routine can be comforting which can keep you both mentally and physically healthy. Those may also be times to incorporate more self-care into your routine such as regularly scheduled massages, lunch dates with friends or taking a class about something you've always wanted to learn. 

    I really want to communicate that it is crucial that you schedule time for your yourself or it may never happen. If someone asks what you're doing- you have an appointment with yourself. For a while, I was going to yoga every Sunday at noon and them I would come home, clean, organize and fold laundry while Netflixing. It was such a relaxing and productive way to spend a Sunday in preparation for the week. Friends would ask me out for a lunch date and I would tell them I have plans on Sundays but I was free on Saturdays. 

    The freedom of a schedule is that it also eliminates the stress of constantly having to make choices. I learned this on my weekend retreats with the Albuquerque Zen Center. On these retreats, you wake up when the sun rises and go to bed when it gets dark. Your meals are prepared without anyone asking you what time or what you would like to eat, you just eat when it's time to eat, wake up when the sun rises and go to bed when it gets dark. All the little decisions that you make in life are draining your energy and a solid routine and schedule can help eliminate some of this drainage. You can use your energy to help you get what you want out of life. 

A great book to read to help you develop better habits is Atomic Habits by James Clear

Mornings Matter

What you do before getting ready and going to work matters. It matters that day and over time it makes a huge difference in your health and how you perceive your life. 

Take a walk in the morning or exercise outside. If you're like me, you don't wake up ready to do lunges at 6 am but walking is a great alternative and may even lead to some lunging energy. They don't have to start out to be long walks. Even 10 minutes will better your mental and physical health. I used to get up and and get ready for work without enjoying the morning. It was more like dreading it but I started to get myself up early to take a short walk with my partner and our dogs and the quality of my life started to change. I began the day by seeing the open sky and the beautiful New Mexico Sandia Mountains. I'm sure that wherever you live, you will find beauty. I noticed the sky and mountains were different everyday. My dogs appreciated the new routine and  Honey Bear became my alarm clock. Sometimes we would walk 15 minutes and sometimes we would walk 45 minutes. No matter how long, it was something we began to love. On the weekends, the walks became longer and we started getting really creative with it. One morning, our family walked 5 miles to breakfast. On vacations, we strive to challenge ourselves. We've walked miles everywhere we've visited to get a unique view of the place. We've walked through neighborhoods on our vacations as well as through the cities, without any special destination in mind. A very memorable experience was walking in Belize. Apparently, the GPS system doesn't work like it should yet - being that they're a developing country. One morning we intended on taking a 3 mile walk to a beach that turned out to be 10 miles away, luckily we were saved by some tourists riding a golf cart. They saved us from more than just walking. Evidently, there were alligators in the swamps along the walk and the heat was gaining intensity. Either way, it was a walking adventure. Just last week, we were going to drive to our local university to walk through their beautiful trees and charming duck pond when we found out that our tire was flat. We ended up just leaving the car at the tire shop and taking a city walk home. The dogs were a little confused but the weather was perfect and they couldn't be happier. I look forward to that daily morning walk and it feels good to have an extra 2,000 steps in before even showing up to work. I'm a fitness trainer and I will say that going to the gym doesn't compare to being out in the open sky to get your first glimpse of the day. 

Read an inspiring book. Another thing that I do is read a few pages of something inspiring to me as I sip some coffee in the morning.  Even just a few pages of something that nudges your motivation or moves your spirit will help you become more aware of your intentions, goals and values for the day. Over time it's a life changer. I recommend books that inspire you to better your relationships, health, career, spiritual practice. The books that I have read, just a few pages at a time - have helped me in every aspect of my life. I have learned about love languages, habits of successful people, how to tidy up, how to have a still mind and a slow breath, how to enjoy the process and not worry about the outcome. 

Meditate. Sitting a few minutes in silence every morning can help you center yourself before going out and interacting with the world. You can't control traffic or meetings but you can learn to control your internal environment and even though there may be chaos all around you - you learn to remain still and calm. If you have kids, then your home is probably not still and calm in the morning but you can "meditate" anywhere. You can just be still, aware and focusing on your breath at a stop light or you can arrive at your office 10 minutes early to enjoy those moments of silence. 

No, I don't expect you or myself to do all three of these things every day before going to work. Even though, I have indeed done them all in one morning but that is because I love doing them so much. I look forward to waking up every single day and enjoying the movement of my legs, the stillness of my breath and how much there is to learn in this life.